Tweets From Husbands Who Think They're Funny

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    Font - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn ... Marriage level: I did a video call with my wife because I didn't feel like walking up the stairs. 4:52 PM Feb 21, 2021 - Twitter for Android 133 Retweets 38 Quote Tweets 4,362 Likes
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    Font - Dan Regan @Social_Mime ... My wife speaks four languages: English, eyerolls, door slams and sighs. 1:54 PM Dec 8, 2020 - Twitter for Android 271 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 1,053 Likes
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    Font - The Dad BriefsTM @SladeWentworth ... Can you please stop breathing like that? -A marriage story 2:01 AM Jan 31, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 184 Retweets 11 Quote Tweets 1,083 Likes
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    Rectangle - Ygrene @Ygrene ... Marriage 10'-10 x 12-2 Master Bedroom 13'-1 x 16 Bath Where are 8-3 Master Bath you? Bedroom 2 10-10 x 12-2 Close What? Pan Bath Master Bath Bedio 13-1 x 16 Fireplace Closet Eatng 56x 1111 Living 17-7x 15-6 Pantry Fireplace Kitchen 10-10 x 12-2 Master Bedroom 13-1 x 16 390 Bath TE What?! Master Bath Bedroom 2 10'-10 x 12-2 Close WHAT?! Bath Master Bath Bedro 13-1 x 16 Pan @&$%# Fireplace Closet Eating Living 17-7x 15-6 Pantry Fireplace Kitchen 4:50 PM · Mar 4, 2021
    via @Ygrene
  • 05
    Rectangle - Simon Holland @simoncholland I didn't realize having a wife and daughters would involve owning this many blankets. 2:44 AM Mar 2, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 146 Retweets 51 Quote Tweets 2,690 Likes
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    Font - A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut Wife: [looks at my hand] you lost your wedding ring when you were spinning it on the table, didn't you? Me: [not wanting to admit she is right] actually l'm having an affair. 7:09 PM Mar 1, 2021 - Twitter for Android 126 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 721 Likes
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    Font - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 ... My wife is at her hottest when she is angry at at someone that is not me. 1:56 AM Mar 5, 2021 · Twitter Web App 78 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 626 Likes
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    Font - Eli McCann ... @EliMcCann One of my husband's most impressive talents is how he's able to say the word "we" and have it actually mean "you." For example "I see we finished the entire pack of Oreos we opened just this morning." 5:00 PM · Feb 1, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 22 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 907 Likes
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    Font - mark ... @TheCatWhisprer My marriage vows never said anything about removing a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying down on it. 5:39 AM · Feb 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 48 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 406 Likes
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    Product - m@thew ... @TweetPotato314 my wife's mad cause i didn't get the "right kind of frozen yogurt" LOW FAT YOGURT 100 Yoplait VITAMINS A &D CALORIES PER SERVING DISNEY FROZEN II 4 STRAWBERRY FLAVORED WITH OTMER NATURAL FLAVOR CUPS 4 BLUEBERRY FLAVORED WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVOR CUPS 8. -40Z (113) SERVINGS/2 LB (907) 7:09 PM Dec 9, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 125 Retweets 9 Quote Tweets 2,709 Likes
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    Font - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix ... Me: She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she lov- Wife: CAN YOU JUST PEEL THE SHRIMP PLEASE 8:39 PM Mar 4, 2021 · Twitter Web App 65 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 303 Likes
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    Font - Boyd's Backyard @TheBoydP TM .. Not to brag but my wife says I have an answer for everything. 5:28 PM : Dec 1, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 526 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 1,428 Likes
    via @TheBoydP
  • 13
    Font - Stone @StoneAgeRadio13 WIFE: i'm just "resting my eyes" ME: stop appropriating dad culture 2:11 AM Mar 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 158 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 863 Likes
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    Font - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: Your haircut looks nice. Wife: I didn't get a haircut. My appointment was canceled. Me: Your hair always looks nice. 9:44 PM · Feb 25, 2021 · Twitter for Android 79 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 2,727 Likes
    via @XplodingUnicorn
  • 15
    Font - Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness ... Get married so your wife can correct your pronounc. pronun.. prunoon.. the way you say things 9:46 PM · Mar 2, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 134 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 476 Likes
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    Font - Village Person @SvnSxty Me: I wanna ruin your makeup Wife: ooh naughty LATER Wife: *sobbing* Me: *pausing "Up"* unbelievable right 1:00 AM - Mar 6, 2021 Twitter for Android 161 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 665 Likes
    via @SvnSxty
  • 17
    Font - Average Dad @Average_Dad1 ... Wife [from the other room]: can you hear me? Me: no Wife: Me: I mean, what? 4:51 AM - Feb 28, 2021 - Twitter for iPhone 83 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 300 Likes
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    Font - The Dad @thedad ... THE DAD [Dating] Girlfriend: are you annoyed by me? Me: there's nothing you could do I wouldn't love :) [Married] Wife: Me: the way you say "envelope" is weird and wrong 9:12 PM · Feb 6, 2021 · Buffer 21 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 287 Likes
    via @thedad
  • 19
    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland ... My wife just rolled over to me in bed and whispered, "I know it's late but do you want to have cheese toast?" That, my friends, is how you keep the romance alive. 5:45 AM Mar 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 183 Retweets 24 Quote Tweets 2,919 Likes
    via @simoncholland

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